It all started when your mum bought you a new pair of
slippers. I mean those kinds with three inch soles. And then she pulled her
ears and warned you to wear it when you play around.
But you being the champion grasshopper catcher a.k.a King of
Abutata decided to venture into the grass where there was an abundance of
grasshoppers (abutatas).
Even though you had over 20 abutatas trapped inside your
nylon bag, you felt you must catch one more…the one called “felefele”, because
of the sound it made when it flew.
So, you spotted one Felefele and went after it, but the
grass was too tall and was hindering your nimble legs. To increase your speed
you took off the prized slippers your mum bought for you at Ipodo market. Your
feet received freedom and you went after Felefele with renewed gusto. Then you
saw it perched on a blade of grass as if waiting for you to catch it.
You started to tiptoe towards it and cupped both your hands,
holding them in front of your chest, and then you took that mighty leap, caging
the Felefele in your hands.
Then, you felt a sharp pain in your right foot, but could
not attend to it because you felt the Felefele struggling to escape from your
grasp.
With the grasshopper secured in your nylon bag, you finally
took a look at your legs and saw fresh blood pouring out from a wound caused by
a sharp nail. You pulled out the stuck nail and shed a tear.
For one whole week you hid the wound from your mum, until
she caught you limping. As she examined your now swollen feet, she knew exactly
what to do.
First, she took you to Mrs. Tiedezi, the caring barracks
nurse, who poked your buttocks with an infusion of ATS(Anti tetanus) injection.
As you strolled back home with mum, you started crying for
the great thing about to befall you that evening.
Now, to the BADDEST PAIN THAT EVER LIVETH.
After your bath, you were ushered to the veranda where your
mum had set up all the apparatuses needed for the welcoming of the Great Pain.
There was a stove, a knife, razor blade and a saucer of palm
oil.
My dear reader, the Devil hates children, because he chose a
time like this to make four hefty boys stroll past your house. They went- “Good
evening mummy(those days everybody’s mum was your mum, not aunty). You need our
help?”
That is how these yeye broses were gladly invited to hold
you still. With you on your knees and your belly supported by a low stool, you
could still see how the knife went into the fire of the stove, and gradually
turned from silver to red.
After Mum had slightly opened the wound with the razor and
formed a small volcano out of it, she pulled out the blazing knife, poured a
spoon of palm oil on it. The shhhhh sound of oil frying over the blade killed
your soul a million times.
The she carefully tilted the tip of the knife directly into
the wound…the volcano.
The pain shot into your medulla oblongata and the heavens
shook as your crying voice pierced the clouds. You tried to shake off the pain
but the four broses held you tighter. A loud fart escaped from your anus…yet
they did not let go, until the saucer of palm oil was empty.
They let go of you after Mum had slapped the surface of the
wound several times with the flat side of the knife. As they released their
hold…they also released the dam of tears that had been welling up your eyes.
You cried…yes, you cried…oh, you cried. As you cried some
more, you were convinced that this woman was not your mum. But then, she pulled
you close to her bosom, wiped you tears with the tip of her wrapper, patted
your head and spoke with that very kind voice,
“Sorry my pikin…but next time make you wear your
slippers…oya, no cry again”.
THE END
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